Cronin & Company

Imaginary diaries of cats and dogs

A number of writers have passed along the imaginary diaries of cats and dogs, noting differences in the canine and feline views of the world. These differences also seem to come into play when I am drawing illustrations for quotation cards. Dogs: simple and happy. Cats: wry and sardonic.

 

The Dog's Diary

8:00AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40AM - A walk! My favorite thing!

10:30AM - Got petted! My favorite thing!

12:00PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00PM - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

 

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more that willing to return. He has obviously been brainwashed. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now. . .

Fond Farewells

With the last day of January, the year loses much of its newness. As a fond farewell, I've listed the good-byes that a friend found and forwarded to me. They were taken from a list posted on a schoolroom door:

• See you later, alligator!
• After while, crocodile!
• In a hour, sunflower!
• Maybe two, kangaroo!
• Gotta go, buffalo!
• Adios, hippos!
• Chow chow, brown cow!
• See you soon, baboon!
• Adieu, cockatoo!
• Better swish, jellyfish!
• Chop, chop, lollipop!
• Gotta run, skeleton!
• Bye-bye, butterfly!
• Better shake, rattelsnake!

Our school day now ends, so good-bye good friends!

If there were 15 months in every year

"I'm 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were fifteen months in every year, I'd only be 48." -James Thurber

Happy 117th (or 86th depending on how many months you like in your year) Birthday to one of America's great humorists. Born in Columbus, Ohio, in 1894, Thurber wrote for the Columbus Dispatch, the Chicago Tribune and the New York Evening Post before joining the staff of the New Yorker. His most notable short stories such as"The Secret Life of Walter Mitty", "The Dog That Bit People" and "The Night the Bed Fell", combined fiction and autobiography. 

His career as a cartoonist began in 1930 when fellow New Yorker contributor E.B. White found some of Thruber's drawings in a trash can and submitted them for publication. His simple, surreal drawing style was the partly the result of his poor eyesight and partly a reflection of his view on life. 

"Humor is one of our great natural resources, to be preserved at all costs."

 

The Quotable Mr. Clemens

Samuel Langhorn Clemens, best known by his pen-name, Mark Twain, was born on this date in 1835. The one-time riverboat captain is famouse for writing, Tom Sawyer and Adventures Huckleberry Finn, the latter is often referred to as "The Great American Novel".

A great humorist, Twain is still frequently quoted today - even for things he never said. He is credited with saying, "Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it", which was actually said and published by the editor of the Hartford Courant.

 

Glenn's Second Trip into Space

October 29 marks the anniversary of astronaut John Glenn's second trip into space, made aboard the shuttle Discovery when Glenn was 77 years old. His second trip was nearly forty years after he became the first American to orbit the earth, and made Glenn the oldest human to travel in space. During his nine-day mission, he served as part of the NASA study on health problems associated with aging.

Highway Beautification Act

On October 22, 1965, President Lyndon Johnson signed the Highway Beautification Act, a project long supported by Lady Bird Johnson, the first lady. She believed that cleaning up America's interstate highways by getting rid of ugly outdoor advertising, screening junkyards from view and planting flowers would make the nation both a better place to look at and a better place to live.

The bill was opposed by a number of business groups, but was supported by activists and a number of groups who were beginning to think seriously about the nation's poor environmental stewardship. (The Environmental Protection Agency was established in 1970 by President Richard Nixon.) Although the bill's enforcement was weak, it established the idea that nature, even along the roadside, was worth preserving. 

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree
And unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.
-Ogden Nash

Leo Burnett - Character Creator

Leo Burnett, the creator of some of the best-known advertising icons in America, was born October 21, 1891 in St. John's, Michigan. His career was centered in the Midwest, from his first job at the Peoria Journal Star to his own ad agency in Chicago. His ads reflected a Midwestern homeyness rather than the East Coast sophistication typical of New York's Madison Avenue agencies.

Burnett's most famous characters became a part of the American vernacular. They included the Jolly Green Giant, Morris the Cat, the Pillsbury Doughboy, the Marlboro Man and Tony the Tiger. Many of his advertising characters are still at work today.

"I  have learned that any fool can write a bad ad, but that it takes a real genius to keep his hands off a good one." -Leo Burnett 

The first information revolution courtesy of Gutenberg

September 30, 1452 is often cited as the date that Johannes Gutenberg published the first Bible printed using movable type. His new printing technology was a vast improvement over handwritten manuscripts or woodblock type and revolutionized European book making. It made the mass production of books possible and promoted the spread of litereacy. With the ability to read and direct access to books, people were able to access information for themselves and draw their own conclusions, rather than relying on a small class of literate elite to do the interpretation.

I have not yet begun to fight

On September 23rd, 1779, as commander of the US ship Bonhomme Richard, John Paul Jones won a hard-fought battle against the British ships Serapis and Countess of Scarborough.

After inflicting major damage on the Bonhomme Richard, the captain of the Serapis asked Jones if he would surrender. Jones replied with the now-famous "I have not yet begun to fight." After three more hours of fighting, the Serapis and Countess of Scarborough surrendered to Jones. After the victory, the Americans transferred to the Serapis. The next day, Bonhomme Richard sank.

It was many years before John Paul Jones received recognition in the US. A hero in France, he died there in 1792 during the French Revolution and was buried in an unmarked grave. It wasn't until 1905 that his remains were located and brought back for burial at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis.

Fighting words from FDR

Listening to the pundits, pontificators and prevaricators on today's political scene, its' easy to think that we're at new levels of hyperbole in communications. But politics has always had a good dose of the fantastic. Take today's anniversary of FDR's 1944 defense of his dog Fala:

Roosevelt's Republican opponents had circulated a story saying that he had mistakenly left Fala behind while visiting the Aleutian Islands and sent a Navy destroyer to go back to pick up the dog, costing the taxpayers $20 million. (Back when $20 million was a lot of money)

As part of a campaign dinner address on September 23rd, Roosevelt claimed the right to "object to libelous statements about my dog", accusing his critics (only half-jokingly) of attacking the reputation of a defenseless dog to distract Americans from more pressing issues confronting the country.